Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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