I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
