hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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