Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
