I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
