I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
