this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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