It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
