If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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