Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
