No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
