but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
