I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
