no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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