how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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