My Higher Power is John Stamos
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
