dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
