I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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