Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
love makes seman taste better
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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