I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
