Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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