3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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