the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
