you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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