she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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