he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
