And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize