My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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