i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
