I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
