so explain again why im purple
no
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
