Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
