jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
