Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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