you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Shame is for Republicans.
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