i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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