you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
