Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
