I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
