Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
