I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize