u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
