So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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