I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
