My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
