I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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