the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
