Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
