i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is my gift to your gina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
