On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
