I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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