so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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