I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
