You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
