I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
