The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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