everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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