i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
