I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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