we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just invented taco cereal.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
