It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
