I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
