Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
