Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
