P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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