i would punch a child for taco bell
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
