the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
