I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
