So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
