Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
