i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
