I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize