It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
