I hate all girls vehemently.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
