im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
