This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
