Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
