There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize