ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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