why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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