He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize