; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
