Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
