I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
