I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
