Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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