These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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