i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I FOUND THE LEGS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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