u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
