I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
