my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
