In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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