no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
