just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
