I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
