were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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