I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it was like eating out sand paper
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
