i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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