Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
